20 minutes left.
My eyes were gawking at three pieces of paper—one bond paper pasted on the board saying how many minutes were left, my questionnaires, and my answer sheet. I unconsciously tapped the pencil on the armchair where I was sitting, letting out those tsk’s underneath my breath, sighing; I was not even halfway through the examination that would qualify me to enter my dream university.
I lost my concentration and determination to continue. Suddenly, these thoughts came rushing in: Was I too slow on shading the choices? Or maybe I’d spent too much time on every item? Did I give my best during my review? Were those years in school worth it? Did I learn my lessons well? Should I continue answering this?
I found myself lost in these thoughts as time passed by and as my negative emotions kept going on. I was so disappointed in myself that I had already forgotten to answer the remaining items. Slowly, my hand started to let go of my blunt, No. 2 pencil –I was quietly cursing myself in my head.
I gave up without fighting for it during the last minute. I was eaten up by my thoughts, beating myself up, and blaming myself for how weak I was. I went home walking like a zombie who never got to eat any brains (or maybe I did, but it wasn’t enough). The thought of not having a “bright” future strangled and creeped me out. I was so afraid.
Months later, I hesitated to look for my name on the results page (Guess I was right either way. I didn’t get in.)
But I’ve come to realize that it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it was.
After that circumstance (not counted as a failure), I spent a lot of days reflecting on what I want, what I should be, and what I can do for my future. Because I’m not doing this only for myself, that became my strength and motivation to continue. Those months waiting for the results were used to seek a new college to enter. Luckily, I passed the exam (!) and it was bittersweet.
I’ve set my goals from then on, I will become the best!
Cliché as it may sound, but your circumstances never define you and your future. While the name of a university is an advantage, it is still you who should work hard and have the most powerful control over yourself. After all, it is your life to begin with!
Experiences are make or break situations and, for me, getting into college, having that transition between that Y.O.L.O. mindset and #adulting struggles is exhausting. But no matter how hard the situation may be, pause, never stop, then play…and don’t forget to DREAM!
- Don’t hesitate to try.
- Respect every result of your hard work.
- Eliminate the negativity.
- Ammunitions on your arsenal, use it to strive.
- Make sure to give your best, in any situation, even in the last minute.
This submission was sent in by Elleonor Grace Apostol from Tomas del Rosario College, with minor edits done by Edukasyon.ph staff.The following views and opinions expressed in this article do not reflect that of Edukasyon.ph or its editors. For more info on how to get your work published, visit Edukasyon.ph on Facebook or send your essays directly to [email protected] with the subject line: BLOG SUBMISSION- Name. We look forward to reading your work!